Wired Differently

Wired Differently

Author; SharonVerrett

Did you know men and women are wired differently? Do you ever wonder why the two can’t always see eye to eye? God designed us to be that way. Opposites at some point will attract, right?

We educate ourselves in many areas of life, but we rarely take the time to try to understand our spouses and their thinking process.

I know, you are thinking, well as soon as I think I have my wife understood she changes. That would be true, because we are emotional creatures and we are often affected by our surrounding and our hormones.

In order to have a peaceful relationship, it is good to be in tune to our emotions, however difficult that may be. Love covers a multitude of error.

I was scheduled for my first colonoscopy on last Thursday. I was way past due. Eight years to be exact. I am a formal medical person of twenty years. I know better, but I take decent care of me, was my reasoning and it was not a priority in my mind. I also know there are a lot of dead people who thought the same way. J “So how crazy was that thinking?” some may ask.

Nonetheless, I had a fear of being put asleep, but I digressed and submitted to the call or demand from my new primary physician. My point is I was still anxious up until that day, so I was a little unintentionally snappier than usual. I commend my Kevin for understanding and not following me up with arguing. It does take two to argue.

After the procedure, I was happy and back to myself. My emotions, from the surround stress of being put to sleep, were over.  I was mentally back in tack and we were the happy couple again, all because he understood me and the things that were emotionally surrounding me at that time.

There are many things that surround our emotions. We are moved by the feeling of being loved and the things that show us that we are loved.

When we receive flowers, a cooked meal, unsolicited cleaning or other thoughts of whatnots, it triggers our emotions, causing positive responses; something so simple to a man can mean so much to the woman. It gives and image to us that you care, because you thought of us. That may seem strange, but it is all about taking the time to understand.

It is my hope that as women, we never use our emotions as an excuse to be mean, but use knowledge as an ability to understand and recognize our emotional state, making an effort to evaluate our surrounding circumstances as we try and relate, why we are the way we are at the moment, and make an attempt to keep everything in tack

.

I hope you enjoyed today’s read. In part II, tomorrow, we will talk a bit about the wiring of the man, how he too is designed by God, J but he thinks totally differently, because he is wired differently.

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I Love You

Author: Sharon Verrett

“I love you,” seem to be three of the hardest words for some people to say. It sits up at the top of the list with, “I am sorry.”

Like, “I am sorry,” “I love you,” shows emotions.

A woman is more likely to say it, quicker than a man, why, because men don’t think about it, they are attached to the physical, they are just not there yet or the words mean commitment.  That is fine for the dating seen, but what happens when it over into the marriage seen?

Well, that is why communication is important, before commitment. We get what we date and now is not the time to act disappointed. “But he changed,” you cry. Did he or were you so in love you were willing to except him as he was and work on changing him later?

Well, at this point, we can and need to communicate. Express our needs to each other. How important it is to hear the words said to us. We must also remember love is not only what you say, but what you do.

I ask, Is it more important to say, “I love you,” with no substance or  never say, “I love you,” but every facet of your spouse's existence and commitment speaks it?

If your spouse is holding down the fort in all areas except the emotional words, “I love you,” you are truly blessed, some may say. However, it doesn't matter, if you don't feel that emotional connection, because you need to hear the words.

Talk to your spouse and tell him/her how important it is to hear the words now and then. Tell them you love them and help them to say the words.

There may be something deep, way back in their childhood on why they can’t seem to express the words. The more love and understanding you show them, in time the emotion may be returned.

Just remember you don’t get to set the timer. Pray for your spouse that the day will come when he/she can verbally recite the words that you deem import to your relationship.

Our God hears and understand your desires before they are ever mentioned, but He too, likes communication.

So do all you can as communicate your needs to our God and find comfort keeping hope alive, until that day come when things change. That day when you so I love you and your spouse reply, I love you too.

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#relationships #iloveyou

What If

Author: Sharon Verrett

My youngest son use to bog me down, when he was younger with, “What if” scenarios and each time I’d think and give him an answer, “Mom, what if that tree falls in the road, right now. What would you do?” He would give me about five or six of his little scenarios before I’d say, “enough already, with the ‘what if’s.’”

Today, I pose a “What if” to you. What if you know today is the last day you have to spend with someone you love dearly? What if that someone is your spouse? What if you know at six o’clock pm, today, that spouse will no longer be in your presence, for eternally.

How will you spend today? What will you say to your spouse this morning? How will you view your spouse? What will you two talk about? Will it be about all the good times you’ve had together or will it be a day of apologies? Will today be the day you can finally say the words, “I really love you.”

Would that argument you had recently seem as important? Would you look at your spouse with different eyes, trying to make as many detailed physical memories as possible? Would you begin to think about all the great memories you two have already made?

Would you hold on, tightly to your spouse all day and pray, until that final moment your spouse leaves you forever?

My friend, no one knows where death is. We must be consciously, kind as much as we can and find comfort in our choices on how we choose to treat our spouses and others, because this may, very well be our last moments together. Let us have no regrets.

I say, “Consciously kind,” because this takes effort. There may be times this doesn’t work, but let it not be because of you. When it is not because of you; it is then when you can find comfort in the choice we may be forced to make, even if there is some disappointment, that choice couldn’t have been different.

Remember the story of the rich man and Lazarus in the bible, Luke 16:19-31? The rich man had the opportunity to be kind and helpful; however he chose a different route. The rich man not knowing where death was and the punishment he would receive for his actions, chose the low road of none kindness.

God gave poor Lazarus a rich reward as he rested in Abraham’s bosom and the rich man was tormented for his actions. If you have not read this passage of scriptures, I would suggest it. It is indeed a great story of choices, rewards and the inability to be naturally kind.

So, friends we may not have another opportunity to get it right. Be kind to one and other. Love your spouse and all their imperfections; retain the fact that we are NOT truly their better half, because we, too have imperfections.

Remembering my youngest son, who now has his own beautiful wife, I will pose this final question. What if this was our last hours together and we have everything right with our God, what other imperfections really matter?

#marriageessentialsblog #relationships 

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What if

The Note to Myself

The Note to Myself

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Sometimes when I send others a note or a word of encouragement, but sometimes I have to pull them up, mentally and reflect the note to myself.

Today, was truly one of those days. I started out early doing my normal grandparent duty of walking my Andre’ to the bus stop.

As I was walking back I noted the beauty of the moon, something so simple and I had to share the above post on facebook.

I thought about how people tend to always complain about Mondays, the first workday of the week, for many. I thought about how bless we are to see Monday and how we should appreciate the opportunity to make it GREAT.

As the day began to break, my daughter called me to tell me how five of her co-workers called in sick today. I told her to seize the opportunity to still make it a great day.

I spent a little more of my morning trying to encourage others with a kind word when I could, this of course, can help me to have a great day too, as you lift someone else up right?

Well, all was well, today until 3:30, when I picked the three grands up from school. I got pass a few of the bumps in the road, metaphorically speaking, on the way to picking them up.

Awwww…. but on the way home the four year old turned into someone working for the other side of peace. I tried to reflect back to my post and then to my days of working in high pace emergency situations of trying to find and hold on to the calm.

In those cases you are always sending yourself mental notes of reflections of things you have overcome in high anxiety situations, trying to stay focus and not allowing the tense situation to adjust your stand negatively.

All notes are helpful. Positive notes of what you told some else to do in the situation. What you read, anything to help you cope properly.

…and if all else fail, you reflect God’s word. “Spare the rod, ruin the child.” :)

Well, I reflected all the notes to myself and the best one for this day, for this little person was the word of God, because all else failed and you know what, we ended up having a great day after all, I just needed a bit of adjustment in the notes to myself to make it a great day.

Lazy Sunday Afternoon

A time to cuddle, read, watch your favorite movie or a Saints Football game on this lazy Sunday afternoon. I must say I am doing well with this commitment to try an embrace my husband’s passion for football after forty years.

I am actually enjoying the game. We had to compromise a bit. My husband is a highly emotional fan. Every game is like he is at the stadium’s home game, LOUD!

Well I can do excitement, but not stadium loud when happy, overly angry with bad plays and pure depression when loss occurs, all the mix emotions at home.

So he has curved some of the stadium emotional yelling and I have come to sit and enjoy the game with my dear husband.

It’s all about quality time, because that’s where we enhance our relationship, it’s also where we add strength to our marriages. 

Seize this lazy Sunday afternoon and enjoy each other’s company in whatever form or fashion needed to bring closeness.

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#relationships #marriage

Listening On Purpose

It is an art to intentional listening or learning to listen on purpose. In this world today we are all so busy and want to just be heard and move forward. However we have to learn to give our spouses the same attentive listening we desire.

I can really say, it is hard for me to listen attentively. I know that if we fail to listen we fail to learn and we fail the opportunity to improve, because of this I am constantly putting my listening skills to work. How will we learn about our spouse and their desires, if we don’t listen?

Often we hear without listening. I stand so guilty. We heard what they said, absorb or act upon what we heard, in one ear and out the other. :) This post is for me as well. There are always thoughts constantly running through my head, as I try to listen. When I am aware I have to stop and focus. I am always working on better ways to help me to listen.

I can see some improvement in my listening skills, but I still have a way to go. It is always said, you can’t fix it if you don’t know it’s broke, right? Well, listening to others and self-evaluation is a great opportunity to find what is broken and work to fix it.

Learning to listen attentively, patiently and with a purpose can mend so many bridges, because you’re listening with the purpose of resolving a problem.

If we can do the above suggestions, we will see the great fruits of our labor or good results from our efforts showing up in our relationships. Ask God to help in these efforts. Recognize when challenges come that test your listening skills and embrace the opportunity to succeed.

A better listener is a better spouse and a better friend. So the dividends of listening on purpose can be great!


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Related Post:

• Choosing Our Husband
• People and There Experiences
• Can You Hear Me Now

#listen # Canyouhearmenow #listenonpurpose

Riding Solo

Have you ever felt like you were riding solo when dealing with life’s issues? Read this story of the new young mother.

After giving birth to her first child, the young mother started experiencing these feeling that she had never seen or heard of any other mother experiencing.  All she’d ever seen was, seeing mothers with new babies seeming to be so happy and joyous, mothers appearing to bask in the new little bundle of joy with so much affection. They seem to have everything in control and doing everything right.

This mother wasn’t feeling that. She felt no connection to her little newborn. She felt ashamed of herself for having these feelings. So she didn’t want to share her feelings with anyone else. All she felt was along, as if she was riding solo.

Something must be wrong with me, she thought. Her doctor never told her anything about these feelings and how these feelings may happen after giving birth. He never told her that many mothers experience these same feelings.

So she felt along and went into this deep dark place of depression, because of her shame and thinking she was the only one ever having felt this way.

Now one of her dear friends had noted her distance and tried to get her to open up. Finally, she did after her friend kept trying. The wonderful thing the young mother learned was there was nothing wrong with her.

These feelings are normal and thousands of women experience this feeling after the child’s birth. Now she feels relieved and normal again. They set up and plan to get her past these feeling. The new mother even talked to other mothers who had the same feelings, some were friends and some were older mothers. How comforting is that, to know you don’t have to ride solo.

The wise man Solomon said in Ecclesiastes 1:9 says, “What has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.” How true is that?! So very true, if we pay attention.

This is true in every facet of life from life to death and all of the dash in between. There is nothing that is done, felt or said, in this human cycle of life that has not been done, said or felt already.

So find comfort in marital situations, jobs, child birth, child rearing, aging and death, knowing that your struggles are not something new. Your neighbor or dear friend may have or have had the same life situation you are experiencing this very moment.

They got through it and know that you can too, but if you don’t ask, you want know. There is no reason for anyone today to ride solo when you can place God, the dearest friend, in control, He can send a vessel for comfort.

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#marriageessentials #ridingsolo 

Best Time Ever

We went down to New Orleans and had the best time ever.

What would be your response to a posed suggestion of an evaluation?

Do you ignore it? Do you think you can ride the storm or do you sit back and wait to see the storm's final true direction?

Kevin, I and everyone else living in the path of Hurricane Matthews, on the eastern seacoast, had that decision to make on last week.

The time had come to put the previous post, "Lemonade Anyone?" into action. Everyone had to make their own decision.

As I say time and time again, life is choices. For Kevin and me, family is more important than any materials possession we possess. The decision to leave was made for our family, by us and we were all happy with it. We decided to make lemon out of lemonade.

Now we have friends who decided to ride out the storm, they made the best decision for them. We respect their decision and it doesn’t matter if we agree with their decision or not. That is something we learn as time goes on, how to respect others decision whether you agree or not.

We figured the kids are out of school for five days. No work, no school sounds like a perfect time for a mini vacation, a mini family reunion, five days of time together. Since we are instructed to flee, let us go to family.

Well, I must say God is good. All went well and it was a great decision, not to mention a great trip! We went down to New Orleans and had the best time ever.

Kevin, the kid and I never all have the same time off together. It was very hard trying to plan a family vacation.

Even more so I had no worries because I know God is in control. We prayed and left everything behind. When we returned last night there was debris all around but no damage.

Many was not as fortunate and they are all in our prayers.

Here’s a bit of what we did in New Orleans with family and friends. Everyone was so kind and there’s always something going on.

This past weekend was the Beignet Festival, Gentilly Festival and Oktoberfest, in addition to everyone cooking at home and inviting us over.

What a great time, great food and great friends, a combination and all the ingredients for heartfelt love. 

read more at www.saverrmarriage.com

#family

#evacuate

#reunion

Lemonade Anyone?

Lemonade Anyone

Lemonade anyone, is my motto for making lemonade when you are given lemons, especially when there is nothing else you can do.

Well, you can always choose to be miserable, frustrated, anxious or mad. But what good would that do and what will it change?

Life is too short, and opportunities are too great to dwell in the places listed above.

So when you find yourself in a deep and possibly, dark moment, try to find the silver lining.

You may need try temporary binoculars, then bifocals and later glassed, before you can see clearly, but with your continue endeavors the lining will become more and more clearer.

Be encouraged in your marriage and all areas of your life. Know that if we keep God first in every area, He has the ability to make everything okay, whether changing a situation or giving you the mechanisms to cope.

Taste the possibilities! Did you know that sour, bitter lemons can stay in that state to those who seek nothing different, not knowing that our God has made the sweetest, best tasting lemonade, made originally from sour, bitter lemons, that anyone has ever tasted.

Taste the possibilities, lemonade anyone?

A Wonderful Weekend

What makes a wonderful weekend? That can be answered in many ways. The list can go on and on. It can start with... what makes you happy? What do you enjoy?

Well, I must say Kevin and I have had ourselves a wonderful weekend and we were thousands of miles apart. You see great weekends aren't always with just the two of you. They can be spent with other friends and family.                                             

We must feel secure enough in our marriages to be able to respectfully branch out, if it's desired. That word, "Respectfully" is important, because it is something you should, first agreed upon.

Spending occasional time apart with friends can greatly enhance your marriage as well as fill other personal desires. I had a "girlfriend" weekend in Savannah, shopping, touring and eating out. It was fun to have a bit of girl time.

Kevin had a football weekend with friends and families, indulging in food and fun, with football lovers, in San Diego watching his team, the Saints play the Chargers.

                                                       

We agreed it would be the perfect game to watch live, because we have a dear family member who plays for the Chargers, however his heart is really, always with the Saints, a diehard fan. It was the perfect get away for him, because the Saints won their first game of the season! WOOHOO!!! …and I am happy he witnessed it live.

So the take away is... a wonderful weekend doesn't just lie in time together as a couple, one can retreat and have a wonder weekend apart, thus indirectly enhancing quality time when you come together again. ;)